Beautiful City

The more I fall in love with my camera, the more it seems to fail me...  Now the flash isn't working.  So this beautiful city just might deserve a new camera.  In other news, I've had a lovely week.  I spent the weekend with my family, made the big decision to move (which will happen tomorrow), I've been to yoga twice, planned a trip to Ireland with some of my favorite people, and enjoyed my classes immensely.  I hope you all have had similarly wonderful weeks :)  Love, C

Journal: 28 January, 2012

Sometimes missing South Africa is a sharp pain--an unavoidable presence that both makes my head spin and my stomach turn.  Most times it is a dull ache that seems to emanate from the center of my body.  I didn't expect anything like this.  It seems that my reverse culture shock has mixed with my new culture shock, and as a result I'm walking around with my head in the clouds.
I miss: a country that made me appreciate beauty at every turn and where I felt at home, the sweetest boys in the world who lived at The Bridge, my fantastic friends, the boy I left, the love I felt constantly, free laundry, the wind that would sweep through my room and dry that laundry, the coastline of the end of the world, my blonde hair, sun, Marcell's, warmth, just about everything...
I will be back.

Best one I've seen...

Journal: 25 January, 2012

My dad is continually telling me that I need to live in the present.  He knows me well.  Sometimes I think/hope that I am able to hide the fact that I am never thinking about the present moment.  My brain never shuts up.  From the minute I wake up in the morning to the minute I fall asleep, I am constantly thinking and imagining every possible senario for everything.  I am constantly distracted in every experience and interaction by my own internal story.  I wish it weren't so, but alas.  I really do try to live in 'the now' but the future is so enticing its usually infinitely more exciting...  And this city isn't making it any easier.  I love walking around these streets by myself and imagining everything under the sun (or lack thereof).  As I twist and turn through the narrow streets, concentrating hard on my ankles' interaction with the cobblestones, I feel as if I'm living in a fantasy world.  Its not that everything is perfect here, in fact there are lots of things that aren't, but the city lends itself to such imagination.  Here I am not only living in my future, but also different versions of the fictional past I never could have lived.  I'm becoming all too aware of the fact that I have to be careful that my imagined life is not the only one I'm living.  Its tempting though.  Its easy.  And always perfect.

My Latest Experiment

I got a Holga camera for Christmas (or rather I got money on Amazon and spent it on a Holga camera), and for those of you who are unfamiliar, it is a toy film camera with plastic lens and takes 120 film.  The pictures are not meant to be perfect, but people can take fantastic pictures with this little device.  I am not anywhere near professional, and this is my first roll of film.  So, it really is just an experiment.  After that somewhat long winded disclaimer, here are some photos of Scotland :)

They are all of Stirling, which is where I spent my first week.  The castle is in the background of the first two, but I'm not sure you can see it at this size.  I haven't developed any film from Edinburgh yet, but soon!  And it will be in color!
Just for fun, here are a few more pictures.  The first one is my Meez, who I miss terribly.  The second is New Jersey woods.  And the last two are Central Park pictures with some of my favorite people.

I'm working on the light issue...
In other news, I had to workshop my poetry today in class, which was enlightening, frightening, and all together overwhelming, but very good.  I booked a trip to Dublin in two weeks, which is incredibly exciting.  I'm finally fixing my sleep patterns and remembering that I am the kind of person who loves being up early.  I've also become slightly obsessed with my quilt and the tips of my fingers are bruised and red spotted as a result (sorry if thats gross).  I'm off to meet the Baha'i Society tonight, which I'm incredibly excited about.  All in all, things are going well.

Love.

There should be pictures...

So, I was hoping that I would be able to post pictures for this update, but the only pictures I have are of the physically tangible sort, and the scanning process posed waaaaay too many issues for me to continue. (I have this problem... I can only ask for help so many times, and then I just leave.  I should work on that.)

Week one of school went well!  I figured out my classes, met lots of new people, explored a bit, found a new art adventure and generally had a good time.  I'm taking three English classes, and thats it.  So its a bit crazy, and I think I'm starting to become a little bit (or a lot bit) eccentric (I say that as if I weren't already...) Today I found myself frantically typing a poem into my phone while walking down a busy street; I had to dodge people at the last second, wandered way off track and only got down the bare bones of the poem, but I felt the need to write it immediately.  See?  Eccentric, if not outright crazy.  This city is the first UNESCO City of Literature, and I'm loving everything about it, but I think it might be affecting my mind...

On Monday I had lunch at The Elephant House of JK Rowling fame, which was really cool.  I love all things Harry Potter, except the movies, so really just all book things Harry Potter, and, my goodness, this is just the perfect place to indulge.  The castle looks just like Hogwarts, the roads look just like Hogsmead and there is definitely magic in the air.  Oh the fantasy.

Other than that, I have been going to classes, indulging in coffee with lovely company, shopping a bit, playing my new guitar and just generally getting settled in and orienting myself.


Perhaps this should be for a different post, but I'm so excited about it I want to show you!  I've been missing Hawaii a lot lately.  I haven't been back in a really long time, my dad, Chris, Annabelle, and Grace just moved back, I watched The Descendants twice... so it all makes sense.  I'm definitely going back this summer, but I thought to get me through, and to satisfy my need to have a craft at all times, I would quilt a pillow!  So here's a picture, cause my computer is perfectly capable of taking pictures, its just not that practical to carry around...

Much love.

I just love him.  I don't want to get too political, but really, when one of the candidates will sing (plus ALLLLLL the other stuff he's done for the country) is there really any question about who should be elected next year?

Fairy Tale

I've decided that my fairy tale is Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.  This is primarily because I'm channeling Snow White right now (basically black hair with bangs, extremely pale skin (this place is not so sunny) and rosy cheeks and lips).  One essential element of fairy tales, that I usually forget, is that it is never easy, and if it were, we wouldn't care.  The heroine is always beset with problems until her prince comes to save her.  In my version of Snow White, the problems are no sleep, no sun, fear of writing poetry and a strange smelling kitchen, and the Evil Queen seems to be the university accommodation department and the bars outside my window are her wicked accomplices.  I have seven dwarves too, who make my life better: tea, poetry, castles, film camera, snow, new guitar and shopping.  I am anticipating a prince too, and I think he'll take the form of the city of Edinburgh.  I'm falling in love already.  Today I found a health food store with baby kale, and that just about made my life. There is nothing better in my (cook)book than baby kale, mozzarella cheese, olive oil, and balsamic vinegar.  Delicious.  So not to worry, this princess will persevere!

In other news, my classes are going well, although they have an alarmingly small amount of meeting time per week.  I bought a new guitar yesterday, and I'm totally in love.  I got caught in a snow/rain storm in Toms, which was unfortunate, but the "ithacating" weather made me feel at home.  I've successfully finished one week and am enjoying this beautiful city.

Of course I didn't fix the camera charging program from last semester, so I came with a camera that died halfway through my first picture...   I know exactly which universal charger I want, so its only a matter of time until I'm back up with the pictures, and the film from my first Holga roll will be developed by tomorrow, so expect some pictures soon!  For now here is the one and only picture that my camera allowed me.  Its not very good, but its proof that I'm here!

This is The Meadows, which I'm told is a very popular student hang out when the weather is nicer!

Love, Calaandra

Dear Drunk Guitar Player Outside My Window, You're really not very good.  And its late.  And its Monday night.  Or rather Tuesday morning.

Dear Caffeine, You have kindly reminded me, once again, that you're so much more powerful when I'm not used to you.  Please go away soon.

Dear Calaandra, Please finish unpacking your room.  Its making me stressed.

Dear Schedule, Figure yourself out.  I'm not quite sure how to fix you, so its all on you.

Dear Sun, Thank you for being so present in the last few days.

Dear Calaandra, Please remember to bring your sunglasses out of your room.

Dear Iron and Wine, You're perfect.  You make my life better.  You drown out noise wonderfully.  I'm not sure I could live without you.

Dear Blog, Am I getting too attached?

Dear Readers, Good night!

Love you,
Calaandra

I may have seen this movie too many times...

I also may be in the middle of watching it again... but there is one line from The Queen that strikes me every time.  Helen Mirren, as Queen Elizabeth II, says, "I think I'll write my diary a bit."  Now this line has no particular importance to the story, or the movie as a whole, but the way its phrased (I'd like to think its a Britishism-"to write one's diary"-but I have no proof) implies such an active role in the journaling process and has me thinking.  As a relatively recent convert to daily journal writing, I find such profound meaning in this because it implies that what goes into a diary is not simply a record of a day or a documentation of thoughts, but rather the act of journaling itself can be a way to "write" one's life; therefore, the actual writing of it impacts the writer's perception of the event, even after the event has taken place, and indeed the writer him/herself.  One of my favorite writers, J.M. Coetzee, talks about the relationship between the writer and the writing, explaining that it is not only the writer who writes the writing, but also the writing that writes the writer.  Sort of, we are what we write, and vice versa.  I think this just might create a whole new level of pressure in my life!

I just finished reading Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald, which is a story that has marked similarities to his own life (Americans living in Europe, wife struggling with mental instability).  The similarities are so pronounced that at the time of publication he was criticized by his friends, specifically Ernest Hemingway, for his lack of originality, but although the world he creates may be his own, the story is not.  In this way he seems to write an autobiography in fiction, which details a life he could have lead had he made different decisions.  It is his life written, but only partially lived.  The experience of making your own character live out a different reality is so cool.  It makes me wish I wrote fiction.  My character would have such fun!

Sorry if this is a bit to much of a deviation from my usual posts, but its on my mind.  I think that I'll start using this blog for more than just adventure documentation, so check back whenever you feel like it, posts will probably be more regular, and I'll post some of the (more) fun stuff to facebook!

Journal: 13 January, 2012

In many ways, South Africa was a study abroad of practicality.  Something in me knew I wanted to go, and, at times, it literally felt as if I was being pulled to Cape Town, almost against my will.  I went because it scared me.  I went because I wanted some small access to a continent I had previously unexplored, and, to be quite honest, had somewhat ignored.  It was an experience of learning, and feeling, and loving.  I wouldn't change one bit of it if I could.  Simply wonderful.
Edinburgh, and my time here, is my fairy tale.  It is the land of my dreams and make believes.  It has pulled me towards it for, seemingly, all my life.  The majestic castles, the cobbled streets, the haunting graveyards, and the mysterious fog and hills that hold such visible history leave me breathless.  Its not that this study abroad will be better in any way, its just that this place accesses such a different part of my being.  I think its something like the dreaming, endlessly romantic, always reading, little girl as opposed to the (more) practical, confident, aspiring world citizen nature of the young woman I hope to become.  In many ways my time here feels more selfish.  Its not that I wasn't concentrated on myself in South Africa (I am in my early twenties after all), but rather this feels like I'm indulging in a guilty pleasure.  And I'm going to enjoy every minute of it.

Update:
I've just moved into my flat at the University of Edinburgh after a wonderful week with my family. Living so far away from my nearest relatives means that I often forget what it is like to interact with relations other than immediate family, and I was pleasantly reminded that it is great.  I chatted for hours with my 15 year old cousin, I spend time talking about life and the future with my aunt and uncle, and I explored gorgeous Stirling with my new Holga in hand.  Now I'm back in the swing of new people, new place, and the same emotions with which I'm becoming so familiar.  Its wild, but fun.  Nerve wracking, but fascinating.  I think/know its all going to be ok.
I decided to graduate to blogger from tumblr for several reasons, one of them is that it will be easier to hear from you!  So please let me know what you think, or follow me if you want; I can't wait to hear.  Keep warm.
LOVE.

New City. New Country. New Hair. New Blog.

Well, here I am.  The morning of Departure.  Again.  Its incredibly exciting!  I've been thinking back to when I left for Cape Town last summer, and my feelings couldn't be more different!  I'm not nervous (yet), I'm prepared (mostly), and I am so happy and excited to be going on another wonderful, life-changing adventure!
This winter break has been wonderful.  I visited Ithaca and saw some of my wonderful friends. I spent Thanksgiving with my family in beautiful Tahoe.  I drove up to Northampton, MA and saw more amazing friends from high school and childhood.  I trekked into New York City to spend time with friends from Cape Town and Cornell.  I spent a lovely, quiet Christmas with my mom and Jim.  My sister came to visit and we had tea parties and extensive shopping expeditions.  So its been lovely.
The next 24 hours are going to be crazy.  After leaving my family at JFK, I'll be on a seven hour plane ride to London where I'll have exactly one hour to procure my student pass, go through customs, and catch my second flight...  Crazy.  Then I'll be picked up by my wonderful aunt and spend the next week with her, my uncle and cousin.  I haven't seen them in four years!
I'm all (pretty much) packed, my computer and ipod are charged,  I have a new book (Tender is the Night) I've taken every possible vitamin to see if I can manage to be less sick when I land in Edinburgh, and I am so ready to start adventuring again!
Much, much love.